Silly to be Afraid

I'm getting married next week. That's really strange.

I started this blog in 2007. I did it to "house my thoughts, especially the strange ones."

I don't think I contemplated that this site would see me through what it's seen me through. Some college immaturity. Some law school immaturity. Some post law school immaturity.

I don't think I thought this site would acknowledge some of my fears. My loneliness. My confusion. My hope. My miracle.

I'm not sure I had any clue this site would know times when I thought I could never really be happy. Times when I thought no one could ever really understand me. Times when I thought there wasn't much hope.

I don't think when I created this site I had any idea I would one day have to grapple with whether or not to inform this site that I was different. That I would have to one day decide how to explain it. That I would have to hope the people who read this site wouldn't hate me for being whatever I was. Whatever I am.

But it happened. After years of terror, I did it. I told you that I was different, and that I decided that was ok. I told you that I found love. I told you I was happy. Many of you stayed and expressed your humanity. Many of you stayed and expressed your version of Christianity. That made a difference for me.

I feel incredibly lucky. I feel lucky to have the family I have. I feel lucky to have the friends I have. I feel lucky that the best person in the entire world wants to marry me.

I feel lucky that I met someone who is perpetually kind.

I feel lucky that I know someone who worries about other people to the point that I roll my eyes over it sometimes.

I feel lucky that I know someone who keeps me up late nearly every night because I like talking to him so much that I don't want to go to sleep.

I feel lucky that I met someone who constantly makes me think I should be better without making me feel like I need to be better.

I love him. He makes me feel like it was silly to ever be afraid.

~It Just Gets Stranger