Encounters with Strangers

You guys, I have a million things to tell you. I feel like we are so behind on one another's lives right now. There's so much gossip floating around in my head. But I don't have time to tell you all of it right this second because RESPONSIBILITY.

Responsibility is THE WORST.

Today I'll leave you the video of last Thursday's story on The Porch. A big thank you to my good friend Kyle who came and recorded it. Normally Jolyn does this with a camera from 1946 but Jolyn is on thin ice right now from the whole Star Wars April Fools' Day prank so I asked Kyle for assistance. He's 1,000 times more responsible than me or Jolyn so it was probably a good choice anyway. And to Jolyn's credit, she sat right next to him the whole time and didn't even sabotage his attempts or try to ruin anyone's lives forever.

We had her checked for illness immediately afterward.

April Fools' Day

Jolyn Metro is the worst human being who has ever lived.

Yesterday afternoon I had noticed that things seemed far too quiet for April Fools' Day. Nothing had really happened. No mention of the holiday. No terribly mean pranks to basically ruin my life. Nothing.

And then, sometime around 3:00 PM, I received a text message.

"May the force be with you."

It was from a number I didn't recognize. I thought this was odd. But I was busy and not really in a place to deal with it and try to convince the person on the other end to go halfsies on couple Snuggies.

The Law Firm

I will be telling a story on The Porch Thursday evening in Provo. If you're interested in joining us, you can find tickets and information here. If you do come, be sure to say hi and compliment my hair and outfit.

I was just thinking about how one year ago this month I flew from Palau to the United States of God Bless America for a quick trip to interview with the law firm at which I now work. My suit didn't quite fit because of all of the Palau weight that I had gained so I didn't button up my pants. I used my belt to hide this fact.

I was tired from the 36 hours of travel and the 17-hour time difference I experienced having come from Palau. I was cold and my skin was drying out faster than all of the moisturizers in the world could possibly combat.

House Rules

First, an announcement. After a three or four month hiatus in which we didn't know whether we would ever be welcome again due to an inexcusable amount of talking about poop, The Porch has invited us back. I'll be telling a story this Thursday evening at Muse Music in Provo. You can find the link for tickets and other details here. The theme this time will be "Encounters with Strangers." As always, we are thrilled to go back to The Porch and hope to see some of you there.

A significant change has just occurred in my life. I sort of got a new roommate. I mentioned recently that Kurt moved away. About ten seconds later my friend Rebecca, who was living in my building, told me that her lease was ending in her apartment and that she needed a place to stay for one month until she moves to Paris. Rebecca and I went to law school together and have become particularly close friends since I moved into her building six months ago. She asked me if she could "crash" at my place temporarily, since I have an extra bedroom and since I'm desperate for company and attention.

I sort of thought she was joking. So it was easy to say yes. Then on Friday I came home and found woman things all over my apartment.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

I ran for two hours on a treadmill tonight. It was the stuff of nightmares. And I know what you're thinking. "Eli. Why didn't you run outside? You are so attractive." Guys. It was cold and rainy. And ever since Palau, I don't do cold and rainy. Unfortunately, as my experience in Palau taught us, I also don't do hot and rainy. I guess you could say, I don't really do anything. And I know what you're thinking now. "Eli. Shouldn't someone who is training for the Ironman be a little tougher than this? Also, it's amazing how we can see your abs through your shirt." I have no answer for you. But thank you. I can see your abs through your shirts, too.

And now, your pictures and distractions:

Hanging out at a happy hour fundraiser.

Climb Every Mountain

Over the weekend I had some pretty intense conversations with Daniel. This was between all of the bickering over his selfish requests to get his clothes back. We talked about our experience in Palau. And what made it great. And what made it hard. And what made it heartbreaking in the final months.

When I returned from Palau, I felt like my soul was shattered into a million pieces. I was so broken over my terrible falling out with Daniel. I missed people I loved so much. I was traumatized by some of the most challenging things I had ever faced. I was so lost about where my life was headed. Sure, I had a job and a family to come back to. But for the first time in my adult life, I didn't really know to what end I was stepping into the next phase.

I felt really really alone. I feared that my next step was to make perpetual monotony the status quo. To turn my life into an eternal nine-to-five, where I worked toward nothing in particular and did it all by myself.

Daniel Searches for His Clothes

Eli: Excuse me. What are you doing?

Daniel: I'm going through your closet.

Eli: And why would you be doing something like that?

Daniel: Because I want my clothes back.

Eli: What on Earth makes you think that I would have your clothes in my closet?

Daniel: Because I've seen pictures of you on Facebook in the last six months and you are wearing something of mine in probably half of them.

I Have Terrible Ideas in the Middle of the Night

Do you ever do things in the middle of the night that make absolutely no sense?

Sometimes in the middle of the day an idea will come to me about something I should write. I try to jot these ideas down as they come so I can hash them out later when I have time. Some of the best ideas have come to me in a dream or in the middle of the night when I wake up in a cold sweat because THE IRONMAN IS APPROACHING.

Last week I woke up with an idea. It was not one of the good ones. It was one that didn't make any sense whatsoever. But apparently I thought it was a good enough of an idea to go to great efforts to preserve it and see it through.

Moving Heavy Things

As you know, Mr. Daniel came to town last week. Him and all 12,000 of his heavy bags that were opened and spilled out over my apartment for five days. It was wonderful to have him around and it felt a lot like old times. Except we weren't fighting over who got to stand in front of the open freezer in my kitchen.

By the way, one of you who is apparently a big fan of Daniel made a Daniel Facebook fan page this weekend (and I just noticed the Facebook link name, which I LOVE). He acts mostly apathetic, but I've caught him checking it a number of times over the last few days. I'm just worried all the fame is going to go to his head. You know how child stars usually fall apart eventually? Well, Mr. Daniel.

Anyway, on Friday night we celebrated Anna Swayne's birthday with a large group of friends at an Indian restaurant. I have a serious overeating problem at all Indian restaurants. Also, I have this same problem with tortillas, ice cream, and whenever there is food in my house.

Pictures From My Phone & Weekly Distractions

Daniel flew into Salt Land last night. This morning I ventured off to the office, of course making sure he had food and that all of the child locks and safety hazards were taken care of. I told Daniel I would check on him throughout the day and make sure he had everything he needed.

Daniel: Where's the laundry?

Eli: Huh?

Daniel: Don't get smart with me. Just tell me where it is. Let's get this over with.

Eli: Oh. Did you want to do my laundry? 

Daniel: Eli. At least have the courtesy of not gently manipulating me into doing it. Just tell me where it is so I can get started.

A closet door was then opened. A nation's worth of dirty clothes came pouring out of it, filling the apartment. Daniel should really think twice next time he decides to stop doing my laundry for six months.

And now, your Pictures and Distractions.

With Kyle and Emily, participating in our weekly Survivor party without Brandt who took his Disney prince hair and went to Ireland for work.