Sunday, March 23, 2014

Moving Heavy Things

As you know, Mr. Daniel came to town last week. Him and all 12,000 of his heavy bags that were opened and spilled out over my apartment for five days. It was wonderful to have him around and it felt a lot like old times. Except we weren't fighting over who got to stand in front of the open freezer in my kitchen.

By the way, one of you who is apparently a big fan of Daniel made a Daniel Facebook fan page this weekend (and I just noticed the Facebook link name, which I LOVE). He acts mostly apathetic, but I've caught him checking it a number of times over the last few days. I'm just worried all the fame is going to go to his head. You know how child stars usually fall apart eventually? Well, Mr. Daniel.

Anyway, on Friday night we celebrated Anna Swayne's birthday with a large group of friends at an Indian restaurant. I have a serious overeating problem at all Indian restaurants. Also, I have this same problem with tortillas, ice cream, and whenever there is food in my house.

We gorged for a couple of hours before finally calling it a night. Being the city dweller that I am, Daniel and I had walked to this Indian restaurant from my apartment. So we started our four-block walk back home. I realized that I had left something in my office that I would be needing the next day and so we stopped there since it was on the way.

It was around 11:00 PM by this point. And although I really wanted to just get home and go into post-overeating recovery on the floor with a bowl of ice cream, I realized that I had an able-bodied giant with me who would probably be able to help me with a small task I've been meaning to complete for six months.

Eli: Oh my gosh! Guess what we're going to do right now!

Daniel: I'm really tired. Can't you just get someone else to help you later?

Eli: Why would you assume that I want you to help me with something? Maybe I was just going to say, "we're going to give you a foot rub and compliment your most recent haircut!"

Daniel: Because you're using your "pleasant" voice that you only use with me when you're about to get me to do something for you that I'm going to absolutely hate doing.

Eli: I really resent that.

Daniel: Ok. I'm sorry. What is it that we're going to do?

Eli: . . . well I need you to help me rearrange my office. BUT IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT THAT WAS ALL A BUILD-UP TO ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING.

Daniel: Ask? I don't think I've ever heard you ask me something before . . .

Eli: SO. First let's move this desk!

I slightly underestimated how much this task was going to be the biggest pain I had ever experienced. I swear every piece of furniture in the place was filled with magnets strong enough to be powerfully sucked towards the Earth's core.

Wait. Is that gravity? I don't understand gravity.

Everything was heavy. That's what I'm trying to communicate to you.

We moved every piece of furniture in the office to opposite sides from where everything originally sat. And I hated the new arrangement. So we moved it again. And I hated that new arrangement. So we moved it again.

We had been at it for well over an hour. Our hands were getting blistered.

Eli: I hate this. I'm not used to hard work. Are you at least enjoying yourself?

Daniel: Yes. I flew all the way to Salt Lake City so I could spend my Friday night overeating Indian food and then meaninglessly haul furniture all over your very messy office.

Eli: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic so I'm just going to assume that you're sneakily complimenting my outfit and personality. Thank you, by the way.

We moved everything one more time. By this point Daniel looked like he had just fought in a world war. His shoulders were slumped and his half-shut eyes were starting to look like the Exorcist girl.

He made me walk out into the hallway and shut the door so I could "experience walking in and having a first impression." I did as he asked, standing in the hall for a moment before opening the door and taking a step into the office.

Daniel: Well? What do you think?

Eli: I hate it. I hate all of it. I want it exactly like it was before we started this. EXACTLY how it was. Not a thing out of place!


Eli: No. Now. All of it. Back how it was. NOW.


Eli: I'm very sorry that you consider spending quality time together a "waste."

Daniel: WASTED!

I decided that we should just go home and move everything back the next morning because Daniel was being really unreasonable and selfish. He thought this was a good idea, commenting that maybe after I "slept on it" I would change my mind and decide that the new set up was actually better.

The next morning we walked into the office.

Daniel: Well?

Eli: I hate it. I hate all of it. I want it exactly like it was before we started this. EXACTLY how it was. Not a thing out of place!


Eli: Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment, too.


We spent the next hour cleaning the office and preparing it to move everything back to exactly how it was. Besides several comments about "do you keep animals in here?" and "why is there a sweater with an embroidered chicken on it balled up in the corner?" the move went pretty well. That was, until we were moving the last heavy piece for the last time.

I had been huffing and grunting and so forth while moving the heaviest things. But then I realized that Daniel was already mad so there was no point in keeping up the charade. So I stopped and let go.

Eli: Who am I kidding? I'm actually just pretending to lift.

Daniel: I knew you weren't really helping!

Eli: Hey, that's not fair. I moved the lamp by myself earlier.

Daniel: How do you have any friends?!

Eli: Duh. Have you seen my hair?

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. Saffron Valley is soooo gooood! I don't think it's possible to over eat Indian food. You should try Royal India in Bountiful. Sitara in Layton. Bombay Bites in Riverdale. Ignore Taste of India- bad reviews lately for food and service. Try Shahrazad for good Iraqi food, chicken shwarma is yummy!

  2. And then you two will fight and you'll let us know about it many months later forgetting that your office re-arrangement caused it. Why do you LOVE Daniel so?

  3. I've heard that Il Papa follows the blog and has now initiated the canonization of Daniel and this blog will do well to prove his Sainthood. Who else could put up with you?

    Is Daniel single? I think I'm in love.

  4. I started laughing so hard when you admitted that you weren't even helping.

  5. This blog always makes me laugh out loud (or is that lol) at the office and then everyone begins to look at me because I try to stifle my laughter and they end up becoming a weird, distorted snorting sound. Yeah, I said it: "At the office". I mean, who really works in an office with computers anyway?

  6. Why have you not posted 200 pictures of Daniel's visit?

  7. I can't believe Daniel didn't appreciate the fact that you wanted to spend some quality time with him on a Friday night.

  8. Can someone please explain gravity. Now I'm confused. Does it involve magnets? Does it have something to do with technology? Is it because of computers? I think it might be because of computers.

    1. I'm glad you asked, Troy. I looked it up. It's powered by Google.

    2. ^^^^^^^^^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    3. I think the gravity got into Anonymous' brain.


  9. I have to admit, that, while reading this, as soon as I saw there was a Danial Fan Facebook page, I completely stopped everything, so I could click on it and "Like" it. Then go back to reading. That being said: Daniel should have left the office the way you hated it, and snuck in a bunch of chickens and cats, and gone home, as paybacks..... ;-)

    1. Ditto on the immediate stalking of Daniel's FB fan page!

    2. Same here, but I read all of Daniel's before coming back here! I'm sorry, I was just wondering what he's been up to lately.

  10. Troy, gravity is simply the weight of the sky and all its vastness pressing down on the earth and everything on it, which yes does include computers. I hope this clears up any confusion caused by that Isaac Newton guy and his imaginary rules and apples.

    1. No. Gravity is caused by the rain. Because the rain keeps pushing us down. Obviously.

    2. Well I know that gravity is a new thing within the last 100 years or so. I think it was greatly contributed to by the Industrial Revolution which makes me think it's all related to global warming.

    3. It's something that Sandra Bullock just won awards for

  11. What I want to know is how did you do all this, and not a hair (fabulous hair) out of place? What sorcery is this, Eli?

  12. We do this periodically at our house. "Hey. It's Sunday and we have nothing else to do. Let's see if we can find another way to arrange the furniture in the living room".

    Since our living room is an odd shape, and the TV can only go on That One Wall, and its walls somehow include FIVE DOORWAYS THE SIZE OF A DOUBLE DOOR OR LARGER, the moving of the furniture project usually ends up with us going, "So. There's everything in Position #2. No, this doesn't work; this is how we had it at Christmas. Let's try something else." We do that about 3 times, before we realize that there is only ONE USEABLE ARRANGEMENT FOR EVERY SINGLE THING in our living room. Ever. Including cats, lamps, and Martha Stewart back issues.

    I need to learn to just leave it the heck ALONE--there is no "other arrangement", unless we want to put the Christmas tree back up.

  13. Pictures of Daniel now please!

  14. I think my favorite part about this is that you and Daniel quoted lines from Downtown Abbey. Lines originally spoken by two squabbling old ladies, no less.

  15. I really should refrain from reading your posts in class. I'm pretty awful at suppressing laughter!

  16. Stop being mean to poor DANIEL!!!!!