Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Couchsurfer Emails II

My good friend and life coach Shea saw a new TMZ article asking readers to help identify a man in a blurry image with Britney Spears on Valentine's Day and suggested that we all let TMZ know that it might be me. Many of you have been leaving hysterical comments on the article. TMZ is going to know our Stranger community before too long as a force to be reckoned with.

Last week I posted some of my responses to the couchsurfer requests of late. I had a bad couchsurfing experience recently so we are taking a break from hosting travelers for a little while. Rather than simply reject couchsurfer requests, I have been getting creative with my responses. Below are a few new ones. Enjoy. As always, I welcome you to share this post and others with the world.

*Note: many of the request emails I get are very long and detailed. I have condensed or paraphrased several of the initial emails below for your convenience.


From: Tyler
To: Eli
Subject: Trip to Palau

Hi Eli, I'm coming to Palau next month and need a place to crash. I see you live in Palau. I'm assuming you live in Palau the country in the Pacific? If so, I need a host for 3 days.


From: Eli
To: Tyler
Subject: Trip to Palau

Great. Only thing is, I'm not sure if I'm allowed over-night visitors. I will check with the guard if you want me to.


From: Tyler
To: Eli
Subject: Trip to Palau

Your building doesn't allow guests?


From: Eli
To: Tyler
Subject: Trip to Palau

So I checked and they basically said no but they said that since I'm on good behavior lately, they'll increase my visitor hours so you can hang out for longer if you want. It's probably for the best. My cell-mate Big Gary has been really aggressive lately.


*****
 
From: Melinda
To: Eli
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?
 
Just wondering if you could host me in two weeks. I'll be quiet and clean. Don't need a bed. Just a couch.
 
 
From: Eli
To: Melinda
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?
 
Hi Melinda. You can stay in my apartment but I insist that you bring your own couch.
 
 
From: Melinda
To: Eli
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?
 
You want me to ship a couch from the U.S. to Palau so I can stay on it in your apartment?
 
 
From: Eli
To: Melinda
Subject: Can I stay on your couch?
 
Well surely you don't expect me to provide the apartment AND the couch! What do I look like? Ikea?
 
 
*****
 
From: Candice
To: Eli
Subject: Palau
 
Hi Eli. I was wondering if you could host me in two weeks. I plan on getting into Palau on March 6th really late. I hope to stay about 4 days. Would that work?
 
 
From: Eli
To: Candice
Subject: Palau
 
It's kind of a bad week because we have the exorcist coming on March 5th so I don't know what state the place will be in when you arrive. Last time everything was pretty torn up and there was puke basically everywhere. But if you don't mind helping us clean up, March 6th would be ok with us. You don't happen to be religious, do you?
 
 
*****
 
From: Dave
To: Eli
Subject: Couch in Palau
 
I'm hoping to make a quick trip to Palau to go diving for about 4 or 5 days and I need to find a couchsurfing host. I was surprised to find one for Palau on here. Do you think you could host me?
 
 
From: Eli
To: Dave
Subject: Couch in Palau
 
Maybe. How many of your cats do you plan on bringing with you? And do the cats you hope to bring get along with other cats they haven't met before?
 
 
From: Dave
To: Eli
Subject: Couch in Palau
 
Um, I don't plan on bringing any cats. I didn't say anything about that in my first message to you.
 
 
From: Eli
To: Dave
Subject: Couch in Palau
 
Yeah, I don't think this is going to work out.
 
 
*****
 
 
From: Katy
To: Eli
Subject: Stay in March
 
Hi Eli, I'm going to be visiting Palau in March for about a week and I was wondering if I could stay at your place. I think we would get along really well based on your profile and I would be super chill.
 
 
From: Eli
To: Katy
Subject: Stay in March
 
Great Katy. Thanks for the notice. My daughter is still living with me but on the condition that when I host couchsurfers I kick her out so there is enough room. When she doesn't know far enough in advance it is sometimes hard for her to find somewhere to go. More than once she has ended up sleeping outside. I'm sure she'll really appreciate the warning.
 
 
From: Katy
To: Eli
Subject: Stay in March
 
Goodness! I don't want to put her out. I don't mind close quarters. I would hate to uproot your daughter like that.
 
 
From: Eli
To: Katy
Subject: Stay in March
 
Don't even worry about it. She's almost 9 so she's old enough to take care of herself.
 
 
From: Katy
To: Eli
Subject: Stay in March
 
I made other plans. Thanks.
 
 
~It Just Gets Stranger

17 comments:

  1. First comment? Yes!! I almost want to ask to couchsurf now, just for the response... if only I could visit right away!!

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  2. Those TMZ comments are priceless. Well done, sir.

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  3. Have you tried using airbnb.com or craigslist to advertise? I mean, as long as you're letting strangers crash on your couch anyway, might as well make a little money from it.

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  4. Haha so funny. I want to send you a couchsurfing email just so I can get one of these responses back.

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  5. I do beleive you have all crashed the site.. I went to read the comments and couldn't even get the TMZ page to scroll! Eli you are funny! Thank you for the smiles.

    From long time reader first time commentor...
    ~windi

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  6. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250551/

    I think they tried to name it after your saying that you obviously came up with years ago, but they didn't get it quite right.

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  7. Oh my heck! The TMZ site is loaded with comments from people on here. Sooo funny!

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  8. This is completely random but I want to throw it out there. . . I'm sure you've heard of what the kids are calling "The "Harlem Shake". Wouldn't it just be the best thing ever if you, Daniel, and your Palau friends do it?? I don't see you as a bandwagon jumper, and neither am I, but c'mon all the cool kids are doing it. . . You want to be cool don't you ELI? Sorry, this is turning into a bad after school special. Anywaysies, just a thought. . . A COOL one

    -Lacey

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  9. I never want to stop reading these. The Exorcist line made me spew my drink.

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  10. Oh, thanks for the good laugh! Can I bring my wife and three kids? We'll happily take you 9-year-old daughter in a babysitting swap for our boys. I'm sure you'd have fund reconnecting with the boys (even though they only speak English now) and our daughter would be a great mentor for your 9-year-old-- Assuming she does not bite, A said.

    Seriously, though Diana says to tell you she's going couch surfing (well not through the website but a friend of a friend) in the states when she goes on her trip soon.

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  11. Thought you might enjoy this ... I almost threw up, but it's right up your alley!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/14/my-strange-addiction-cat-hair-video_n_2684588.html

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  12. Don't leave stuff out!!! Still funny but never again!
    And the TMZ comments: I am so glad there are so many. Its fabulous.

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  13. Aw..life coach Shea?! I'm assuming you are referring to me. Must be a telepathy thing, though, because I don't think we've ever met.

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  14. I can understand if you want to take a hiatus from hosting, probably due to bad experiences and unappreciative freeloaders or whatsoever, however I don't agree with you about the way you fool around with the people who are asking for couchs. If you don't want to host, just ignore or reject instead of giving people the wrong impression.

    I'm a host and a surfer too, and I don't think I'll appreciate getting taken for a ride by hosts. Makes me look like a fool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I LOVE it when people with no sense of humor find this site! It makes the posts even funnier!

      Delete
  15. Great blog! I really love the way you share on your knowledge about this field the idea you share is more useful for me.Life Coach

    ReplyDelete