Monday, July 14, 2014

The Lost Journal Series: Part VIII

Today I give you the next part in the dramatic series taken directly from my childhood journals. Again, I include a video of my dramatic reading of the below journal entries. I tried recording this video many times but I kept laughing at a certain part. Finally I just gave up and left the laughing in. Sorry for being so unprofessional.

THIS BLOG'S REPUTATION IS RUINED!





November 4, 1994 (10 years old)

Today I went and played with my friend Jared. Two people were MURDERED last week and I knew about it because the news. Jared didnt even kno anything about it because he probably was to busey not even listening to the world around him. We did a science thing for scouts.

November 6, 1994 (10 years old)

Today was Sunday and we went to church again and it was so boring because they just talk all the time and dont even do things that are fun. I did NOT even do what Cheral said I did because how do they even know that it was me who pulled out her chair because was she facing me when she set down?! no she was NOT. She was facing the forward and couldnt even see me when she tried to sit in her chair so maybe the chair just wasnt even where she thaught it was going to be did they even think about THAT! I saw a magic show with my dad on tv tonight. There was a white tiger.

November 12, 1994 (10 years old)

There is not even enough fish in the see or food in the forrest to even feed the whole poplation of the Earth and that is why it is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely important to at least not take as many showers or to maybe even breath the air less because what if we RAN OUT!!!! Mrs. Daniels asked in class what we even think about all of the resourses in the world and if they are even enough to feed everyone and I just raisd my hand and said well maybe if we stoped eating as much because then there would be more food and plus peeple wouldnt be as fat as peeple sometimes are IM JUST SAYING and its not even affensive to say that because its true and its important. I want to play hocky again with my friends but jared probly thinks hes the best at it.

November 20, 1994 (10 years old)

Jared is probly my best friend. He lives next door to me. If he didnt live next door to me I dont even know what i would do. Thanksgiving is good but you eat a lot of turky and i dont think there is enough turky in the world so thats why you should SHARE. Or eveyone should selebrate thanksgiving on different days so the turkys have a chance to at least get big enough and have a life of their own before we KILL them. There are a lot of drugs problems in America like smoking so we tie red ribbons.

November 28, 1994 (10 years old)

Hey yo dodle sgat yasity hi just me. Ha Ha. Mrs. Daneils is starting to get cool. cooler. Eli Eli Eli Eli Eli Eli Eli Eli.

~It Just Gets Stranger

27 comments:

  1. This just crack my knickers!!! You reading them makes it so much better!

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  2. Thank you, Eli, for sharing those!

    And I have to say, your ten year old self was so aware of the world. :)

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  3. I kind of wish we had access to Jared's journals (because I'm sure they exist since he was a friend of yours). Dueling journal readings would be awesome.

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    1. I will ask him and report his findings. Because Jared was much cooler than me, there is a very good chance I was never mentioned in his or that he knew nothing of our feud.

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  4. Whenever I am sad I came here and you really cheer me up. Thank you.

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  5. Not to side with Cheral, but pulling a chair it from under someone DOES kinda seem like something you would do... :-P

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  6. This, hands down, is the best yet. I'm going to replay this in my head all day long.

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  7. These are hilarious! The funniest thing to me is that your 10 year old self has basically the same writing style as your 30 year old self. Your spelling has improved over the last two decades. Love it!

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  8. Omg!!!!! Sooooooooooooo funny!!! I love these!

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  9. Of course I've always known we are about the same age, but it has been totally cemented by the fact that I had the SAME JOURNAL.

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  10. I have tears rolling down my face so I probably won't be able to see what I type BUT THAT WAS WONDERFUL!!!!! I'm sure our new neighbors think I'm pretty weird though. Oh well. BECAUSE I AM!

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  11. Read this several times. Got mad when my job had the nerve to interupt the video repetedly, and called my 13 year old who only reads my blog because the link for yours is on it, and who feels for your blogs what you feel for Paul Simon. Loved it!!!! Please please please post more of your journal!!!!!

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  12. This just made my day. I just shared this on my Facebook page. As a ten year old ballet student I would often talk about my best friend and what she thought of herself as a dancer-- cracks me up that you said the same about your best friend in hockey!! ha!

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  13. Your 10-year-old self's disdain for Jared is my favorite. I bet JARED didn't even think about breathing less for the sake of the rest of the world. Thanks for thinking about making that sacrifice, Eli.

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  14. I lost it when you lost it. Dying! Also, do you still sign your name with a curl in the middle of the E?

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. my earlier comment had a split infinitive and I cannot have that because it will ruin my cool grammar street cred. Anyway.

    1. I saw you sneak magic in there. Again. EVEN THOUGH ACCORDING TO YOU IT'S SOMETIMES NOT REAL.
    2. I cannot even express how much I love the fact that the royal blue leatherette cover of your journal appears to feature a quill in an inkpot. From now on I'd like you to only use a quill at work. And some vellum. Don't forget the vellum.

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    1. Sigh. and the split infinitive is still there. I am so ashamed.

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    2. Because I hated English class, I had to ask Google what a split infinitive was. Turns out, according to Wikipedia anyway, it's not Really a problem - "...most modern English usage guides have dropped the objection to the split infinitive." No shame necessary. Also, please don't hate me for my terrible grammar/punctuation. :)

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    3. I REALLY like split infinitives.

      See what I did there. :D

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  17. Eli, you are the most entertaining thing on the entire internet. God bless you.

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  18. I found some of my old diaries and they are so embarrassing. Even though I seem to recall that I was nice in-person, I was really intense about band and would write things like "we scored a 2 because the clarinets didn't feel like playing in tune today" or some other catty remark. Here's a classic entry (hope I linked this correctly...I'm not internet savvy like the kids today): https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t1.0-9/p261x260/10478154_10105148036031344_4063827870163045758_n.jpg

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  19. P.S. I love your dramatic journal readings and hope you keep it up for many more parts!!

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  20. I'm just gonna leave this right here.

    http://www.consideringcampbell.com/2012/07/dear-diary-take-six.html

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  21. I LOVE this. I wish I had seen it sooner, but I was busy having a baby girl who I named Cecilia because "What if Paul Simon...?" LOL, Just kidding. Her name really is Cecilia, but after my grandmother. I just thought that went well there. :-)

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