Remember that scene from The Sixth Sense when the kid is sitting at the kitchen table and the mom walks away for a second and when she returns, all of the cupboards and drawers are inexplicably open?
Well if I knew how to create what the kids are calling "gif," I would stick those few seconds from that scene here, entitle the blog post "What It's Like To Live With Rebecca," and call it a day.
On a side note, I just spent 20 minutes googling "how to make a gif." Well, truthfully, I spent about one minute googling that thing and then 19 minutes watching this cat gif.
You guys. I swear to you. Yesterday I looked away for one second. Not even one second. Half a second. And when I looked back toward the kitchen, EVERY drawer and cupboard was open and Rebecca was sitting on the couch eating some unnecessarily-gluten-free pile of sawdust, staring at me like she hadn't moved all day.
Eli: For the love of all that is holy, Rebecca. WHY is every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen open right now?!
Rebecca: I was looking for some [nonsensical word that doesn't actually mean anything and can't possibly be food].
Eli: Did you find it?
Rebecca: Yup!
Eli: Then I'll repeat: WHY is every cupboard and drawer open right now?!
Rebecca: Oh I see. You think they should be closed.
Eli: Yes. Like a normal human being, I think that the drawers and cupboards should default to the closed position when no one is riffling through them.
Rebecca: Well I think they should default to the open position. Why should YOU get to choose what state the cupboards and drawers should be in? You never hear me complaining about you shutting them. Maybe you should consider my example.
Eli: That's absurd.
Rebecca: This is just like your unfair "the door needs to be locked when we're not home" rule--
Eli: We are not having another conversation about that.
Rebecca: You know that I have a hard time keeping track of my keys!
Eli: I thought we solved that problem!
Rebecca: [holds up bare wrist] THAT BRACELET WAS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE SO I HAD TO FIND YOUR SCISSORS AND CUT IT OFF!
Eli: Just great. So where is the key now?
Rebecca: Well now that you mention it, I don't know.
Eli: Of course you don't.
Rebecca: Oh yeah. By the way, I have some good news and some bad news.
Eli: Lay it on me.
Rebecca: I've decided to stay until December or January or February or so!
Eli: And what's the good news?
Rebecca: Hahahaha. That WAS the good news!
Eli: Darn. Then what's the bad news?
Rebecca: The scissors are missing.
~It Just Gets Stranger
Rebecca is awesome.
ReplyDeleteAlso, has anyone told you your hair looks fabulous today?
DeleteI know a great homeless shelter downtown if you need to evict her... She won't be all alone. They like all the doors open and unlocked
ReplyDeleteFTW.
Delete^^ What does FTW mean?
DeleteFTW means "For the Win." It's common Internet jargon. People post it to recognize that another comment was really clever or funny. So Brad thinks the comment above about the homeless shelter was a great comment (and I agree).
DeleteSomething about this makes me distinctly uncomfortable. Eli, you're actually sounding reasonable. And responsible. It's not natural.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone noticed that Eli has become Daniel, except with great hair?
ReplyDeleteI have someone a lot like Rebecca living in my house too. He's 1 and likes to open all the cupboards and drawers and pull most of it out. Add my other 3 kids and husband, and I also feel like I'm living in the Sixth Sense. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteThat's it - I'm moving to Salt Lake and staying at Eli's . . . .
ReplyDeleteAnd if you had two Rebecca's it would be like the velociraptor scene in Jurassic Park. I know people with twins; it's basically the same situation.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, Sue Ellen McKinney, you may want to be careful there. Daniel is my brother-in-law and I won't have anyone criticizing his hair!! Eli, back me up here...
ReplyDeleteNo offense intended. Daniel has good hair, though not as good as Mr. Disney Prince Hair (Brandt). Of course, Eli's hair always looks great.
DeleteSee how her logic works on the toilet seat.
ReplyDeleteIn the last five years, my husband and I have moved three times (third time's the charm, I'm hoping). His NEW habit, since arriving in the NEW place, is to not close the drawers. What up with that?
ReplyDelete"The scissors are missing" sounded awfully ominous, just sayin'...
ReplyDeleteAre you sure Rebecca's name isn't Laura? Because she sounds suspiciously like my roommate...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Eli. I will come around more often and close the drawers and cupboards behind her.
ReplyDeleteEli, this is what the kids are calling karma.
ReplyDeleteBazzinga!
DeleteFTW
ReplyDelete