First, in response to your general concern about Friday's post, in which I told you that apparently someone trained in the ways of medicine thinks I'm dying, I want to give you a slight update and a little more info.
I'll be going in this week for my first of two heart tests (the other one will be next week). Some of you have very kindly expressed your concern about my continuing to train for the Ironman, which is now less than three weeks away. #WHATTHEHELL! #howisthispossible #Squeenofcolors #whatarehashtags?
The doctor told me to continue to train like normal but to stop immediately if I felt funny at all during anything that I do. Unless the tests over the next two weeks tell me that I shouldn't, I'll move forward with the race.
In my heart of enlarged hearts, I believe that I'm fine. I think the fainting spells of last week were a result of overreacting to an excessive amount of stress and anxiety I've been going through lately. So I've been attempting in the last few days to CALM THE HELL DOWN!!!!
Every time I start to feel any stress, I begin screaming at everyone around me, "I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW! I NEED TO RELAX! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
So far it's not really working. But I'm going to try REALLY REALLY hard and put tons of effort and energy into MAKING it work, and I'm giving myself a lot of expectations and really difficult goals and consequences for failing to meet those goals. Etc.
Because I NEED TO RELAX!!!
So on Friday, I decided that it would be best to bring Paul Cyclemon with me to the office so we could go on a nice calm ride up the canyon nearby during the middle of the day. Around 11:00 we ventured north.
Most things I do in the office feel a little awkward. But I'll just tell you now that that awkwardness is magnified tenfold when I complete the same tasks in bike shorts.
We made it into the canyon and rode a ways before, suddenly, Paul Cyclemon got a flat tire.
This has been happening more often than usual lately and it's really starting to freak me out because OH MY GOSH WHAT IF THIS HAPPENS DURING THE RACE IN LESS THAN THREE WEEKS.
But I told myself not to freak out. I need to stay CALM right now.
I sat down on the side of the road and changed the tube. And within three minutes, the new tire deflated.
I was out of supplies to change the tube again. I didn't know what happened. And I was trying not to freak out.
Because this was Salt Lake City, which, after having seen many places, I am totally convinced has the nicest people in the entire world, every single person who came by me by bike or foot stopped to ask me whether I needed help. One man gave me all of the supplies to change my tube again, and then rode on.
I changed the tube and began riding. A few minutes later, the tire went flat again. Another man stopped and tried to help me. But when we changed the tube again, it almost immediately went flat. Clearly there was something wrong with Paul Cyclemon. And I declined help from the next dozen or so people who asked because I figured there was really no point in trying change the tube again.
Unfortunately I was in a canyon that is closed off to cars, and I was a good three miles from the mouth of the canyon. I called my friend Jess, an attorney at my firm, and asked her to come pick me up. But in order to get to her car, I had to jog barefoot (jogging in bike shoes isn't really reasonable) the entire three miles.
By the time I reached the mouth of the canyon, I had huge blisters on my feet. Jess showed up and drove me back to the office, where I realized that I had lost my key card to the office building at some point during the ride.
I walked into my office, plopped down on the floor, covered from head to toe in bike grease, stinking like you wouldn't believe, and still in my bike shorts.
Later that day I drove Paul Cyclemon to a bike shop where they determined that his "rim tape" had "fallen off."
I don't know anything about anything. But that sounds really bad to me. And it just makes me wonder how many other things could go wrong in the next three weeks. THINGS I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF.
You guys. I don't know if my enlarged heart can take this anymore.
~It Just Gets Stranger
We know what could reduce your stress level... Take Ms. Hannah Rose to the temple! Done.
ReplyDeleteSeriously!!!
DeleteNope nope nope! It needs to be Ms. Jolyn Metro! Don't you know anything?
DeleteJolyn is not around right now, and I agree with both Anon's up top. Hannah seems like the medicine Eli needs. But that's for Eli to decide. Or maybe he has and he just hasn't told us because...PRIVACY!
DeleteThese nice Mormons are correct: Go to the temple, Eli. A few times if you can. It's the only place on Earth that my anxiety just dissipates completely. Breathe. Maybe take a Xanax. You can do this new "relaxing" thing. My new thing is to tell my children "You can do hard things. You're strong enough for this." That includes handling stressful situations. Eli, you can do hard things. Trust yourself.
DeleteOn a side note, my husband is into cycling and I know all about those awful clip shoes. I know they're not the best for walking, but what possessed you to take them off and JOG down the canyon with Paul? Your poor feet! Why couldn't you just keep them on and walk/hobble down? Not enough time? I've had to go rescue my husband a few times when he got multiple flats and ran out of supplies to repair them. I seem to recall once his rim was similarly diagnosed. I don't think it's a big deal. Just let the bicycle doctors do their thing.
We're all pulling for you, you big-hearted boy. :)
You're going through a rough patch now, but you'll get pass it. You have had tough times before and you got through them. Paul Cyclemon will get fixed, the docs will fix you, you'll either the Iron Man or come in as one of the top ten, and then veg out for a week with tons of ice cream. Shortly after that, you'll probably end of naked in public again and you can use having an extra big heart as the excuse. No more pity parties. You've got this and we love you!!
ReplyDeleteKids read this....Eli! Language! And.....whatever you do ... Do what the doc says! Everything will be ok.
ReplyDeleteNormally, I would suggest a nice, relaxing walk around a lake, but the Great Salt Lake is the smelliest place in the history of everything. DEATH LIVES THERE.
ReplyDeleteThat said, cats are great stress relievers!! Get petting!
And, you know, follow your doctor's advice. And don't work too hard. And eat more ginger -- it helps with anxiety and stress.
My best advice would be to just stop. Chill. Talk to someone and tell them what's going on. Let it out. Help someone who needs help. Epsom salts and warm water, soak your feet, do NOT pop the blisters, and breathe. Put on a movie and relax, it'll be okay.
ReplyDeleteActually, consider going to see a movie. I don't know if your diet changes because of an enlarged heart, but go see a movie and get popcorn (if you like) however you like it and chill. I'm getting tested for Celiac Disease soon, and I know I'll be indulging until then. Probably not good, but after cutting out dairy, I know it's going to be hard (and we have good evidence that suggests I have it). Life changes suck. But, I feel so much better, and that's the most important.
Just know that. This is hard, but you're getting help, and your body will appreciate that. Just really relax, treat yo'self, and know it's going to be okay. *hugzzz*
Also, your hair looks wonderful today. ;)
Thanks for the update. Can you take a break and go hang out with Bob and Cathie for a few days? I bet Cathie would live to take care of you.
ReplyDeleteYour typo actually makes sense in this context. :) I bet Cathie would love to live to take care of Eli. I'm a mom of sons, I know I don't mind when they come home and need some Mom time.
DeleteI have to agree with the first comment. Loose the street clothes, in the privacy of a locker room ELI!!! Go spend some time in the celestial room.
ReplyDeleteSERENITY NOW!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIf by Serenity NOW you mean "have a Firefly marathon", then yes, I concur.
DeleteWin for The Suzzzz.
DeleteBuy a bulk bag of ring pops. It sounds like a job like yours really needs them.
ReplyDeleteMaybe try hot yoga again? Just kidding. Normal yoga, maybe? Or go to Lagoon. You either took a lot of pictures the one time you went or you go there a lot, but that seems like a good place to let go of your workday, health, and bicycle worries.
And you probably already do this since you did as a child, but if you don't, start writing a private journal, so you can get out all of the details that are just for you and not for Strangers. It's a good release.
Sing. In the bathroom. In the grocery store. On the street. Singing is a great stress reliever. Especially if you're clothed while you sing. So keep your clothes on. :)
I think Eli would be more inclined to enjoy NUDE yoga...
DeleteI just saw this panic-attack-stopper (it probably has a more medical name than that) where you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7, breathe out for 8.
ReplyDeleteWhen I get that anxious feeling in my stomach that screams, "You can't do it all! You don't even want to do it all! Screw, It All!" and I feel like my option is basically Be A Failure, then I do this. My body stops listening to my brain, at least.
Follow the prophet (okay, he's not THE prophet, but he's A prophet...): http://1drv.ms/1uuz21e
ReplyDeleteWhenever I get completely stressed out by work and life and worklife and worklifebalance (seriously? that's supposed to be a thing now?), where was I? Oh, yeah, whenever I get super stressed like I was just a few minutes ago, I put everything down and come and read your blog. I recommend it highly. I always feel less stressed when I am done. And if I am having as great a hair day as you no doubt are, then doubly good times ensue.
ReplyDeleteEli, I know that you are dying and everything...buuuut...I have to know, is Tami the toe, in fact, another one of Ron Swanson's lunatic ex-wives?
ReplyDeleteI enjoy this comment immensely.
DeleteIt's his sister. Or as I like to call it, his "sis-toe."
DeleteI'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed! I hope that your tests go well and that your heart is only slightly enlarged because you are so full of love, and not because of anything medically wrong. And I hope that they are able to fix Paul Cyclemon all up as good as new in time for your race! Life will always find new bumps to throw in your road, but I'm confident you're strong enough to get over them. Take a nice bath (with or without your snuggie, your choice), get Tami all dolled up, and just keep moving forward as best you can! For what it's worth, your Strangers are here, cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteWell, at least you didn't die on that bike ride.
ReplyDelete