So Rebecca Called

First of all, check out the latest and greatest Strangerville Short, a brain-child of Jolyn Metro.




Second, this happened:

Ring ring

Eli: Becky! Bonjour! Il y a des ours gommeax dons mon pantalon!

Rebecca: You just said "Hello. There are gummy bears in my pants."

Eli: Oh really?

Rebecca: What did you mean to say?

Eli: That.

Rebecca: I don't have time for this nonsense right now. I have very important news for you.

Eli: Why do I feel like you're about to tell me you've already moved  back in with me and I'm going to find you in my house when I get home from work?


Rebecca: You wish.

Eli: What, then?

Rebecca: I'm getting MARRIED!

Eli: No.

Rebecca: Yes.

Eli: No.

Rebecca: Yes.

Eli: No.

Rebecca: Yes.

Eli: Well it seems I can't talk you out of it.

Rebecca: You can't. And you shouldn't try. Because this is great news.

Eli: So you left me and moved across the country to catch yourself a man and it actually worked?

Rebecca: Well, I don't know if I would put it all that way, but I am getting married.

Eli: And you want to name your first several children after me?

Rebecca: Do you really think subtly slipping that into conversations is actually going to work one day?

Eli: A MAN CAN DREAM.

Rebecca: Listen. I need to ask you a very important thing and I need you to not get offended about it.

Eli: DID SOMEONE TELL YOU ABOUT THE RINGWORM I HAD WHILE WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER?!?

Rebecca: Huh? Ringworm?

Eli: Oh. Never mind. What were you going to say?

Rebecca: I need to know if you'll be my person of honor at my wedding.

Eli: Duh. I was already planning on doing that.

Rebecca: Oh good.

Eli: Why would I be offended by this?

Rebecca: I don't know. Men are weird. I didn't want you to feel like I was emasculating you in some way by giving you a position that is typically reserved for women.

Eli: Honey child. I've been the man of honor at two different weddings already. I basically invented the position.

Rebecca: Why does this not surprise me?

Eli: Now that we've established my role, I have certain duties I need to fulfill.

Rebecca: Like what?

Eli: I need to talk to you about something that might be a little uncomfortable.

Rebecca: I hereby absolve you from the duty of explaining sex to me.

Eli: On the wedding night, the man has certain hopes.

Rebecca: Did you not hear me?

Eli: Passion is a very normal feeling among adults.

Rebecca: Stop.

Eli: When a man loves a woman very much, he sometimes wants to express that passion in ways that are unfamiliar to the naive.

Rebecca: You know that you are very unqualified to give me this lecture, right?

Eli: Bob and Cathie once read a book to me called "You Were Smaller Than A Dot."

Rebecca: I'm hanging up on you.

Eli: A woman can bear children just by looking at a man for a very long time.

Rebecca: You aren't even saying accurate things anymore.

Eli: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S ACCURATE, YOUNG LADY!?

Click.

~It Just Gets Stranger