Waiting For Brunch

This weekend my 14-year-old niece who is 1,000 times cooler than I could ever dream of being and who will probably never again go anywhere in public with her haggard and embarrassing uncle came to stay with me.

I demand this from her from time to time because it makes me feel like I have friends. I am basically this:

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

So I made a joke earlier this week about making t-shirts and a bunch of you actually seemed interested in this so I learned how to use the Internets and created a very scientific poll at the top right of your screen for you to vote on your favorites among those discussed in the comments. I may try to force Matt to design some of the more popular ideas. I'll try to bribe him with cheesecake. AND GOOD COMPANY. You can select multiple answers, so please take a second and do that.

I have been asking so much of you lately!

And now, your Pictures & Distractions:

How I spent my Valentine weekend. Hashtag mud mask. Hashtag loneliness. Hashtag nudity. Hashtag NSFW. Hashtag NSFL. 

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

Wade and I are running a half marathon in Salt Lake on Saturday morning so to prepare we are eating a very large bag of Swedish Fish with Rebecca tonight (Thursday). Good friends sign up for endurance events with you. Best friends over-feed you candy right before those events happen.

And now, your Pictures & Distractions:

I've been sending threatening pictures from Annie's office, demanding that she return from maternity leave because it has been going on for an eternity or I'll destroy all of her things. Also I got new glasses. Hashtag selfie.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

I'm so nervous. 24 hours from now the Niece Who Hates Me is coming to my house for a sleepover. I'm going to spend the entire day tomorrow writing down lists of jokes and things I can do with my hair so she'll like me.

Tonight I combed through your emails to bring you this week's Pictures and Distractions. I've been meaning to mention it for a while, and I've probably mentioned it before, but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all of the emails and messages. I have been terrible in the last year at responding to emails. There have gotten to be so many and it has become difficult to respond as much as I would like. But I promise you, I read every single one from beginning to end. Sometimes I even start writing a response but then I get distracted because eating and TV and WHAT IF PAUL SIMON.

So if you've got some email sitting in my inbox and you're super pissed because I haven't written back and told you how good your hair looks today, rest assured that it's not because I don't love you. And I do think your hair looks super good today.

And now, your Pictures and Distractions:

Mr. Ollie Pants taking a nap on my lap after licking my knee. 

Eli and 1,000 Women

So I'm a lawyer and as a lawyer there are a bunch of requirements I have to meet every year in order to be able to keep practicing law. These include attending eleventy million legal training classes and submitting certificates of completion with the state bar.

As the year has been winding down and as I've realized that I have not been so diligent at finding opportunities to attend these classes, I started to frantically look for available classes about a month ago.

You guys. I was too busy earlier this year. Because TV. And laying on the floor eating candy.

I mentioned this to my friend Annie at work, who as usual was so on the ball that she basically had every single legal education opportunity memorized, categorized in her mind alphabetically, and was probably asked to speak at half of them. She told me that she was going to a great weekend conference in Park City in October and that I should "totally sign up and come too!!!"

The Elevator Almost Killed Us

The other day I saw what Annie looks like when she thinks she's about to die. Annie is my close friend at work who I caught wearing a Ring Pop last week.

I asked her if she wanted to head down the street to grab a mid-morning treat. We hopped onto the elevator and began our descent.

Annie was regaling me with stories of her baby or some court hearing or something else. I wasn't really listening because I was distracted by her gnawing on the candy necklace hanging around her neck.

Then, suddenly, somewhere around the thirteenth floor, the power went out and the elevator came to a screeching halt. The lights were out and the elevator became so dark that you almost couldn't see the hand in front of your face.

And Annie Quinn Wilson, super mom, afraid of nothing, defender of the universe, SCREAMED.

What Not to Wear

I am very lucky to be working side-by-side with my great friend Annie at the law firm. Annie and I were classmates in law school and competition partners in some oral advocacy competitions. She has been one of my closest friends over the years.

Since I met her in 2008, I've come to know Annie as the most efficient and productive human being on the planet. She's always accomplishing five things at once. And yet, she's perfectly pleasant to be around. She's also one of those people who always seems to know exactly what to do in all situations. This freaks me out. But it's incredibly convenient to have her in my life. You might remember her from my very awkward hot yoga experience several months ago.

Not only do we work at the same firm, but our offices are next to each other. We have grand plans to knock out the wall that separates us to have one mega office. BUT, with privacy beads, Annie insists.