Friday, March 13, 2020

The BYU Honor Code

Hi, Strangers. We're self-quarantining at my house since the whole world is exploding. Bob and Cathie called me yesterday to tell me church was canceled. They sounded so alive. Then they read multiple memes about the Coronavirus they had found on Facebook and giggled into the phone.

Skylar, Duncan, and I are taking turns sharing our one Snuggie between the three of us. How, after all these years, do I still only have the one Snuggie? I should have started a collection by now.

Anyway, I wrote a thing for The Beehive about being gay at BYU in 2008. There's been a lot of discussion of the topic in recent weeks--lot's of fighting about the Honor Code and LGBTQ people. I've mostly avoided letting myself get angry, because I don't know if that would be productive for me and plus I don't have time to be angry because eating and TV.

I felt like I needed to share a perspective on this that I think is maybe getting a little lost amid the technical details, so that's what I did. I would love it if you would check it out here and give it some thought.

Love you all. Stay safe.

1+1=Furrrever, even when we're quarantined.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. I just read your article on the Beehive. Beautifully written. It saddens me to know how much suffering and pain you went through. I’m so glad you’re in a better place today. Love you lots. Dad

  2. Hey, your first link doesn't work. Second one works (:

  3. Thank you for your thoughtful post. It was sad and heartbreaking, and I hope hopeful for a new generation that we can do better and be better at just love and acceptance without the hurt we place upon hearts and shoulders. Love should not involve suffering or not being yourself. As we teach our children, the greatest thing they can do in this life is just love!
    To love another person is to see the face of God - Victor Hugo

  4. Your article is one of the most BEAUTIFUL pieces of writing I have ever read. This and your Space Jesus article from a few months ago should be required reading for members of the church. It's so important for us to understand what it feels like on a real and practical level to go through this kind of thing. As always, I appreciate that you find ways to share you experience without alienating people. I think it's truly a gift.

  5. Just last week I had some long talks with a good friend of mine who lives in Taiwan (technology!) he is gay, went to BYU from 2001 until hmm whenever he graduated. He expressed a lot of the same feelings you did. I wish I knew how to do more both for him and for you, and all the hurting ones.

  6. Thank you for this article... I read it yesterday and have been thinking about it a great deal. I recently made the decision to transfer out of BYU. I was lucky that it worked for me. I know there are many many people where that is not an option... I did have some good experiences at BYU, but a lot of my time there was spent resisting the urge to throw my pen at the back of people’s heads after they made an uneducated or insensitive comment in class. I’d like to think that I stood up for students in the minorities both in voice and action, but certainly can think of times I could have done better. I think it’s most frustrating to me that I don’t know what I can do to help with the pain and hurt that is happening and has been happening on campus right now, or if I can do anything. But thank you for your words. You truly have given me a better perspective over these years of reading and it’s made me a better person.

  7. Another example of you using your power for good. You make such a difference. Thank you.