So, naturally, I decided to share this with anyone who would listen. Also, naturally, Bob and Cathie and Daniel were the only people who showed any interest.
Bob and Cathie typically start sending me an infinite amount of articles about how whatever ailment I've described to them most definitely means that I'm dehydrated and will die by the end of the week. Daniel typically asks me fifty or so intrusive questions and then changes the subject. Then I ask him why he asked all of those questions if he wasn't going to offer some kind of advice or diagnosis. And he usually just says some variation of, "Oh, I was just curious."
Leading up to Mexico, I decided to text him and give him a warning.
Then I sent him one more text after Mexico, updating him on the status.
~It Just Gets Stranger
If you continue to have issues maybe you should try eliminating things from your diet. You may have developed lactose intolerance.
ReplyDeleteLactose intolerance is the worst. I just want to eat cheese without starting to sweat. Also, I once defiled a rest stop bathroom after having an ill-advised ice cream cone on the boardwalk.
DeleteMan, I LOVE diarrhea TMI.
LOL thanks for that
DeleteSadly I have had the same issue-clogged up a toilet at a VERY NICE store after doing my wedding registry. I ran away very quickly. That is probably the reason they left off my silver place settings from my list....
DeleteYeah, you need to be careful what you eat. The comments at http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1 are most illuminating
DeleteIt sounds like Dumping syndrome.
ReplyDeleteYou can almost hear Daniel screaming in that last text.
ReplyDeleteTakes me back to elementary 'when you're driving in a Chevy and you feel something heavy diarrhea, diarrhea'.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't resort to such vile jokes about diarrhea on my blog. This is a serious topic and I wish you wouldn't treat it with such insensitivity.
DeleteWhen you're climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter...diarrhea! When you're sitting in a tub and you feel something blub....diarrhea!
DeleteWhen you think you're having fun, but you got a smelly bum;
DeleteDiarrhea, diarrhea.
You know you were just asking for more :)
When you are going into first and you feel a little burst....diarrhea diarrhea When you are headed into second and you need some disinfectant....diarrhea diarrhea when you are headed into third and you feel that juicy turd diarrhea diarrhea When you are headed into home and your pants begin to foam diarrhea diarrhea
DeleteYou people are disgusting. Who raised you?
DeleteWINNING comment!!
DeleteI am actually really glad you all posted these lyrics, if I may be a bit broad with the definition of song lyrics. My 14 y/o son only knows one stanza and for the life of me I could not remember the others. I will now be screen printing and enhancing his education in this department.
DeleteMy momma raised me just fine, lol she also taught me When your hot you're hot when you're not you're not when you're sitting in the pot give it all you got --the anonymous that did the baseball verses
DeleteSome people think it's gross, but they put it on their toast, diarrhea, diarrhea. Some people think it's funny when they put it in their honey, diarrhea, diarrhea.
DeleteThis might be the best Stranger comment chain in our 7+ year history.
DeleteI have to say that reading this in the restroom doing you-can-guess-what just makes this comment thread even better. Epic laughter here.
DeleteOh dear. All this made me laugh until i peed.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's better than laughing until you have explosive diarrhea.
DeleteMe, too! Gotta go now! When you really gotta go and you are feeling kinda slow.....diarrhea.....
DeleteHow horrible. I once had explosive diarrhea in a public bathroom, there was no toilet paper so I had to use the mirror.
ReplyDeleteBest comment ever.
DeleteDon't you roommate with a nurse now? Seems like he should be joining in the interest line with Bob, Cathie and Daniel. *EGGSPECIALLY* since you are sharing the same living quarters. Seems like he'd want to get that stopped up as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteProbiotic supplements are about to become your best friend. No really, go to the store, and in the pharmacy section next to the vitamins get acidophilus or some other kind of probiotic supplement. It makes your stomach happy. Either that our you have Guardia.
ReplyDeleteIt's giardia. I am pretty sure Guardia is an airport in New York. ;) But seriously you could have a parasite Eli. Get it checked out. I had one when I was a child and it wasn't too fun. You need to go to a gastroenterologist.
Deletelol this is my favorite post EVER! I get diarrhea every time the pipes freeze in the winter and every time we run out of tp. Also eating McDonalds before shopping at Walmart is a BAD idea! EVERY time I do I have to poo, and it is always a nasty poo with Walmart paper my bum is not happy. one more thing with all this TMI, just be happy you are a guy girls get nasty poos once a month ewwwwwwww
ReplyDeleteEli, this is going to sound really weird... but do you know anything about essential oils? If you don't know anything about them, they are compounds/extracts from plants. (Like peppermint oil from the peppermint plant.) I use doTerra oils because they are completely chemical free. (Certified pure therapeutic grade.) DoTerra has an oil blend called DigestZen, and it is amazing. (It has ginger, peppermint, tarragon, fennel seed caraway seed, coriander seed, and anise seed extracts, and NO chemicals or fillers.) Since you are in overshare mode, I'll overshare too. Since I had my gallbladder removed a few years ago, if I eat too much of the wrong things, I have diarrhea, because my body can't handle it all at once, and gives up. When I have tummy issues, I rub DigestZen on my tummy, and it helps restore things back to normal. Like fast. My mom has IBS, and it helps her as well. It also helps with heartburn, and anything else digestion related. DoTerra is actually located in Orem, UT. Being in the land of rain and coffee (aka. Seattle), I have to pay for shipping to get it to my house, but you are not too far away. You could drive down and buy some. It's totally worth it. And they have the nicest customer service people, so I can only imagine that they are super amazing in person as well. :)
ReplyDeleteSince my name is also Amanda, I feel I should 2nd this suggestion. My preference is Oregeno oil because I tend to have the opposite problem. I'm a pretty serious skeptic, but the few oils I've finally relented and tried have had amazing effects and I'm sold on them.
DeleteCould be stressed induced. Maybe you just can't hack the 5am-10pm work day like the rest of humanity?? sheesh
thanks ladies that is great I might get some for my kids!
DeleteI hope you do, Anonymous! My sister uses them with my nephew. After taking him to the doctor with a green runny nose and sickness constantly, being told it was a virus, and there was nothing she could do, she started using OnGuard oil on him. It started clearing it up immediately, and she rarely has to take him to the doctor at all. She uses oils on him to help him sleep through the night, and to help balance out his tantrums. (He's three, of course he has emotional tantrums. :D) In my family, we use oils regularly for IBS, dandruff, headaches, sleeping well, eczema, pain, carpel tunnel, and so many other things. There truly is an oil for everything!
DeleteWhat do you use for eczema?
DeleteMy brother took a picture of one of his nasty dumps on his wife's phone, then sent it to his wife's best friend and titled it something about the beauty of the world. Fortunately my SIL's best friend knows both my SIL and my brother well, and she knew who had really sent it.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly I've got the giggles and I can't seem to stop.
I saw this comment while I was on a conference call and I had to rush to mute the phone.
DeleteThat feels like a win, Eli. :)
DeleteI love how one day you're making us all cry with your emotional/sentimental post and the next day you're all "Just kidding! Let's talk about POOP!"
ReplyDeleteOh man, the comments today are on fire (and not in a "fire in the bung hole!" kind of way).
ReplyDeleteTrue story: I knew my now husband was the one when a bout of explosive diarrhea hit while we were in his dorm... he heard it all and smelled it all and took it in stride. That's love right there, y'all. But unlike a previous commentor, I did NOT use the mirror in lieu of toilet paper... I don't even know how that's possible.
I'm assuming in a "wipe it on the wall" sort of way.
DeleteOh I love sending those kinds of pics from my phone, its the best when you can make someone else get involved in the drama of the bathroom!. On another note, Daniel sounds like women's best friend, listens to your problems, asks lots of questions, and then feels no need to fix it all. Way to go Daniel!
ReplyDeleteOde to the Commode
ReplyDeleteUpon the porcelain throne I sit,
I read, I laugh, I take a _
Whilst here at work I take some time
To ponder what I've had to dine.
I groan, I grunt, my stomach roars;
I pray I don't develop sores
Upon my tortured derrier
I hope this spray can clear the air
Upon the porcelain throne I sit
Now back to work I must a git.
Yes I really did write this while on the pot at work... :-P
I think Shakespeare would be jealous of your awesomeness!
DeleteUpon the porcelain throne, sit I.
DeleteSuch forceful strain to make me cry.
Thou molten ichor full of hate,
Cascading, churning, sans abate.
O, boiling slur, O foaming beast,
Pray tell whence shall I find release?
When from the porcelain throne I rise,
DeleteSounds of relief escape in sighs
At last methinks there is no more
I rise, I wash, I reach for door;
When all asunder from below
I sense the cauldron more to flow.
I stumble back to porcelain throne,
Drop trou and make this throne my home.
One of my roommates in grad school and his friends were like 12 year old boys in 22 year old bodies. They would have competitions to see who could poop the most in a day (volume and frequency, at least they were kind of scientific about it). Anyway, I went out on a field study to a farm where there was a wide variety of big and small poos. I took pictures of all of them and then plastered them all over his door for his birthday! No diarrhea, but his reaction was priceless and the photos stayed up for quite a bit longer than I expected.
ReplyDeleteSeriously needed a good laugh today - in fact, I laughed til I choked. Now I have sore throat and sore stomach - it was sooooo worth it!
ReplyDeleteGastroenteritis is going around...per my doctor. Lasts 4-6 days. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI just love hearing the stories that transpire between the two of you! You two need to mend the rest of your relationship, move back in together, and keep creating such a random/disastrous/wonderful life. Having lived many more years than either of you I can tell what real love looks like. If you don't realize what you've got in Daniel, Eli, wake up!
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends sent me a picture of her poop one time. It was shaped like the first letter of her name.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't even mad; I was impressed.
OMG... I feel like I have finally found my people.
ReplyDeleteI have IBS and since diarrhea is a regular part of my life, I just assume other people are as comfortable discussing it as I am. Turns out, my husband is not a fan. Neither are most of my friends. What is wrong with them? I mean, I'm not selfish, I ask about their bowel movements just as often as I tell them about mine!
BEST BLOG POST I HAVE EVER READ. "Poop is funny" is our family motto!!
ReplyDelete