Full House Reunion

Val: [Sounding annoyed] Ugh. I heard that they are thinking of doing a Full House reunion show and--

Eli: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?! WHEN?! HOW LONG?!? IS EVERYONE GOING TO BE THERE??!? WHAT ABOUT AUNT BECKY AND THE TWINS?!

Val: Oh. You're excited about this?

Eli: AND WHAT ABOUT KIMMY GIBBLER?!?!? OH MY GOSH WHATABOUTKIMMYGIBBLER!?!?!

Val: I guess I don't need to pretend to not be excited. I was going to feel it out with you first. I will TOTALLY be watching it if it actually happens.

Eli: Oh, honey. I will cancel everything that could possibly be happening in my life just to catch the previews of it on television.

Val: It will be so good to see how everyone is doing.

Eli: Right?! I mean, we could probably guess and get most of it right anyway.

Val: D.J. probably has 19 kids by now.

Eli: Michelle still hasn't done anything with her life--

Val: But the ghosts of her forgotten hobbies and failed fashion blogs will be apparent--

Eli: Stephanie is a lesbian, obviously--

Val: Why is that obvious?

Eli: And I wonder if Joey has finally come out of the closet?

Val: Joey was gay?

Eli: Come on, Val. Let's not be stupid, ok?

Val: I guess I just didn't notice all the signs. WHEN I WAS SIX.

Eli: I hope they finally address some of the Full House mysteries.

Val: Like what?

Eli: Like, did Joey and Uncle Jesse pay rent?

Val: I think their rent was in the form of helping raise the kids.

Eli: Right, but what about when Becky moved in and then they had twins? And who paid for the remodeling of the attic? And did the twins eventually resent that they had to live at someone else's house for all that time?

Val: Well I'm SURE they started paying rent by the time they had the twins.

Eli: But who started that conversation? Did Danny Tanner have to awkwardly sit them down and be all like, "uh, you guys can't live here for free anymore. And you need to cut the twins' hair. Like, stat."

Val: I'm sure they had a lot of conversations about logistics.

Eli: I don't remember seeing any of those conversations.

Val: Eli, I'm sure a lot of things happened off camera. We weren't privy to everything that happened in their lives. Oh! And maybe they were all just living off of the life insurance policy for the girls' mom!

Eli: Good thought. And maybe she was a trust fund baby.

Val: Do you think Danny Tanner got remarried? Or is he still heartbroken because his first wife was . . . how did she die again?

Eli: She was hit by a drunk driver, Val. Don't you know anything? Remember? They never told us how she died until like seven years after the show started and Kimmy Gibbler got drunk at that party and D.J. was all, "MY MOM DIED BECAUSE OF A DRUNK DRIVER YOU DUMBASS!"

Val: I'm pretty sure D.J. did not say "dumbass."

Eli: And then that girl who looked like Peppermint Patty got in front of the class and was all, "my brother used to drive to the beach to get high. He doesn't drive anymore. HE'S IN A WHEELCHAIR!"

Val: No. Now you're thinking of Saved By the Bell. Nice try though.

Eli: Anyway, it kind of seemed ridiculous that we had to wait seven years to finally hear that piece of information that was basically the key fact for the premise of the whole show.

Val: Leave it to Kimmy Gibbler to bring it out.

Eli: I wonder if Stephanie and Kimmy Gibbler ended up together.

Val: Kimmy Gibbler was a lesbian too!?

Eli: Are you completely oblivious to sexual tension, Val?

~It Just Gets Stranger